Twenty One Ways for Christian Ladies to Express Their Anger Biblically

Blogedy Blog Blog

Twenty One Ways for Ladies to Express Their Anger Biblically

Phrases to use:

  1.  I am so freaking angry that you forgot to pick up the kids from daycare.
  2. I am infuriated by the lack of respect from my teenager.
  3. I am irritated by the constant drip of the faucet.
  4. I am frustrated and embarrassed that my child performs poorly in school.
  5. I am fuming with an incandescent rage that could scorch the earth where I gaze when I think of human trafficking.
  6. I am livid that the garment I just brought home has the security device still implanted.
  7. I am cross because I am just cross right now.
  8. I am annoyed by the dishes in the sink.
  9. I am indignant that my husband forgot my birthday.
  10. I am a torching blaze of fury because that driver just cut me off.

Actions to suit the feelings:

  1. Upending the church bake sale table and scourging the sellers but only if you have proof they are pocketing the money.
  2. Screaming into pillows, closets and while alone in the car.
  3. Sometimes raising your voice to others when they are not listening.  Phrases like “brood of vipers” and “white washed sepulchers” to be used sparingly.
  4. Walking away.
  5.  Running away, especially if there is any danger.
  6. Crying. A lot.
  7. Not forgiving until you know what you are forgiving.
  8. Not making it ok.
  9. Not pretending it is ok.
  10. Frowning deeply.

And lastly, remember that if you think being a Christian woman means that you aren’t supposed to get angry, you may think that being Christian is being a heartless robot.

“Back up off of that apology extractor: a short play”

Fembot 281 is completing her morning routine oiling the toast and scrambling the egg signals when Manbot 281 comes rocketing down the stairs, steam pouring from his auditory capacitors.

Manbot, in an irritated voice:  Fembottoms, where did you put my ignition module ring?

Fembot turns slowly and says coldly: I haven’t seen it, Manbot.

Manbot points his metallic digitalis at her and says: I know you had it last!  You are always messing with my stuff.  Can’t you just leave things where they are?  Damn, Fembottoms.

Fembot spends a moment contemplating the layout of the dwelling unit and glides over to Manbot’s weather prevention cover and lifting it up, spies the ignition module ring.

Fembot: Here it is where you left it, Manbot.  Under your things.

Manbot grimaces using his digitally enhanced facial screen, picks them up and prepares to refuel by putting what Fembot has prepared into his digestive cavity.

Fembot glares. Manbot looks at her and turns his entire facial monitor off while continuing to ingest fuel.

Fembot:  Don’t you think you owe me an apology?

Manbot retracts his auditory capacitors. Fembot opens her frontal compartment and pulls out a longish metal instrument that looks like it is designed to retrieve calcium dental units.  She glides over to Manbot and begins to unscrew a small cover on the side of his facial monitor.

Manbot retaliates by slowly ejecting a spray that turns into stone wall that surrounds him.  But he is too late.  Fembot retrieves a small readout from Manbot’s head that says the words, “Fine.  I’m sorry.”

Fembot backs away from the stone wall and drops the readout which begins to self destruct within seconds of retrieval.

Buddy the Pugbot comes without Capacitors of any kind.  Pity.

Buddy the Pugbot comes without Capacitors of any kind. Pity.

Names have been changed to protect the misguided but as narrator, I feel I must make two points in order to clarify the transaction above.

  1.  If you have to use an apology extractor in order to extract the answer you want, you may not get a truthful answer or you may make it difficult for remorse to occur.
  2. Manbots do not usually come with apology extractors.  They usually have whycan’tyou justadmityou werewrong sub ray photon beams.
  3. Wait.  One more.  What if the bot can’t apologize or admit wrongdoing?  Could that be an important thing to know, albeit scary to face?

Right or Wrong, it’s the Truth

The Daily Flog

To commit words to any internet forum is to invite a verbal whipping.  Fortunately, only stick and stones can break my bones and I’m in North Dakota where they will freeze to your hands before they reach me.  Thus emboldened, I would like to clarify the overly cryptic statement I posted on that most public of forums, Facebook.  I said,

                “There are no right answers, only truthful ones”.

I need to be clear for my own sake really because these thoughts show up like hulks from the WWF and I wrestle them down for months.  I am a right answer girl and it has very nearly ruined my life.   I love right answers.  I graduated from high school with a 4.2.  I used to love to fill in those little sheets of paper at church, the ones with the blank spaces that coincide with the sermon.  And I have spent much of my life believing that I knew what most people ought to do, including myself. 

So there is this parable in Matthew 21: 29-31 about the son who says no to his father when his services are requested in the vineyard.  He then changes his mind and does the work.  The second son says yes and never gets around to it. 

We assume that he has given the wrong answer.  He said no.  To his father.  For shame.  I say he was truthful.  He didn’t want to go to the vineyard and work.  The father accepts his answer too, apparently.  There is no verse saying,” And lo the father was grieved in his heart and said to his son, “After all I have done for you, this is how you do me?  Really? And what about your poor mother, after all she has been through?”  The son, thusly filled with a sense of his guilt, works the vineyard and is then accepted back as a good son.”  Both father and son seem pretty chill about the whole thing.

 The father asks the second son.  He say, “Sure!  I’ll do it!”  He didn’t want to either.  But he got credit and scored against his brother.  He could always just make excuses later.  I imagine him saying, “I am so sorry.  (point for apology) I couldn’t get around to it.  I had to…. (insert something vague but urgent sounding). 

I notice that the father does not take on the responsibility for either of the son’s answers.  He doesn’t praise the “good son” either.  I would have wanted to say, “It is so nice to have at least one kid that does what I ask him.”  Only he wouldn’t have.

But then Jesus pulls the old switcheroo and the “bad” son does the work of his own accord because he wants to.  Not because he has to. 

I have found that every time I say yes when I really mean no or want to say no, I am lying to myself and to whomever I have just committed to.   Lying.  I am one person on the inside and another on the outside.   It doesn’t mean that what I have committed to is bad, usually the opposite. 

Reminds me of a friend who kept trying to quit smoking.  She begged God to free her.  She would say, “I hate these cigarettes.  They are ruining my life.”  Finally God raised one eyebrow in skepticism (gentle skepticism, I’m sure) and said, “Really?” in a less than convinced voice, “Whatever.”  

She thought about it and said, “Well, actually, they are pretty awesome.”  Fortunately I always knew the right answer to this question and never started smoking and so God laid his hand on me and said, “Good and faithful servant, your lungs thank you.”

Anyway.  She really did want to quit but she loved the way smoking made her feel.  She felt led to give them up for three days and she was healed of her addiction.  She was saved by her wrong answer, the truthful one.

We are set free by truth not right answers.  Right answers can save us some trouble, for sure.  But the Truth sets us free indeed.